I knew I was going to like this even before I unwrapped the 
                  cellophane and inserted the first disc into my player. With 
                  a bit of experience, you soon learn which recording labels can 
                  be associated with which locations and instruments, and that 
                  you might prefer to avoid some just because the chances are 
                  they’ll be using ‘that piano with the twangy note’. These things 
                  are usually minor features, but can become distracting in no 
                  time. By now we should all know that the Wyastone Concert Hall 
                  is not only a very good acoustic for piano music, but they also 
                  have a very nice instrument. Those of us who know this will 
                  also hopefully appreciate the reliably sensitive musicianship 
                  and powerfully communicative technique of regular Nimbus artist 
                  Martin Jones. In other words, this survey of Stravinsky’s piano 
                  music has the wind behind it before we start. 
                    
                  The promise is realised at once, with punchy performances of 
                  some of Stravinsky’s most appealing miniatures, Jones is particularly 
                  good with the belting tumult of the Circus Polka, but 
                  also turns out a good if marginally too well-fed Tango, 
                  and the opening Piano Rag Music is like having a bucket 
                  of cold water thrown in your face on a hot day – very refreshing 
                  indeed. The 1924 Sonate is given its due weight as one 
                  of the concert pieces written for the composer’s own use as 
                  a performer, with echoes of his other pieces packaged into a 
                  technically approachable and fairly compact package. 
                    
                  I’m more used to hearing the ensemble version of Rag Time, 
                  but Martin Jones makes the transfer to piano solo work well, 
                  with the extremes of dynamic and rhythmic quirks all expertly 
                  placed. Less familiar are the earlier Quatre Etudes, 
                  whose Scriabinesque flow and often punishing technical demands 
                  are a little less successful from Jones, the dreamlike evenness 
                  of the inner notes being sometimes a bit rocky. The funny little 
                  Scherzo is apparently one of Stravinsky’s earliest surviving 
                  works, and serves as a prelude to the large scale Sonata 
                  in F sharp minor which was written as a student piece and 
                  shows an absorption of Tchaikovsky and Glazunov while also seeming 
                  to anticipate Rachmaninov. It seems a shame to take up such 
                  a wodge of time with this ambitious but quite imitative piece 
                  when the programme for instance doesn’t include the Two Pieces 
                  from Pulcinella of 1920, or Les cinq doigts 
                  (1920-21). Never mind, it is intriguing to hear where the young 
                  Stravinsky’s imagination was taking him in 1903-04. There are 
                  occasional moments where bell-like sonorities shine through, 
                  and we can hear where the Russian character is so clearly embedded 
                  in the roots of his creativity: the final movement could almost 
                  be something from a cheesy and melodramatic Shostakovich film 
                  score. 
                    
                  CD 2 brings us more meaty fare, with the remarkable piano version 
                  of Chant du rossignol pushing the piano to its limits 
                  at times. The multiple layers of the orchestration make for 
                  a massive set of sonorities, but this is something in which 
                  Martin Jones excels, and he gives plenty of exotic colour to 
                  the music as well as generating orchestral levels of sound. 
                  Hearing this on the piano also brings Olivier Messiaen to mind 
                  – and I don’t mean anything bird-related in particular. Given 
                  the Parisian context of the score it is not improbable that 
                  he might have known it, and if he heard it performed anything 
                  like this it would certainly have made its mark. 
                    
                  From the period of the Sonate, the Sérénade en La 
                  fits in nicely with other works of the time such as the 
                  Piano Concerto, sharing its elegance and clarity of thematic 
                  development and harmonic integrity. Martin Jones deals well 
                  with the sparing textures and lyrical expressiveness of movements 
                  such as the Romanza, and that sense of busy fun in the 
                  Rondoletto. 
                    
                  L’oiseau de feu is one of Stravinsky’s best known orchestral 
                  pieces, and the opening on piano makes you jump out of your 
                  skin. The piano alone can never replace a good orchestral recording, 
                  but Martin Jones does his level best, and maintains a convincing 
                  high-pressure level of excitement in the opening Danse infernale. 
                  The Berceuse is warm and limpid, the Finale creating 
                  a marvellous and spectacular sense of climax and arrival, recalling 
                  Mussorgsky’s Pictures at an Exhibition. 
                    
                  The Symphonies of Winds was not immediately popular when 
                  first performed, and Stravinsky’s Russian colleague Arthur Lourié’s 
                  1926 piano transcription was the only version published before 
                  WWII. This sometimes enigmatic but highly charged score suits 
                  the piano very well, the ranges of the different instrumental 
                  sections suggested in the tessitura of the strings, massed or 
                  portraying individual sections of the ‘band’. The programme 
                  ends with three movements from Petrushka. As with the 
                  other ballet scores, the piano version would certainly have 
                  been used for rehearsals in the theatre, and those pianists 
                  must have had remarkable technique. Even Martin Jones’s hands 
                  can only just manage some of the massive chords in the Danse 
                  russe. The Tom & Jerry character of Chez Pétrouchka 
                  comes across very nicely, with plenty of sparkling and playful 
                  charm cheek by jowl with the grim drama of the tale. The final 
                  section, La semaine grasse is a fittingly festive conclusion 
                  to the programme. 
                    
                  There are a few Stravinsky solo piano programmes available, 
                  including a fine recital by Victor Sangiorgio on Naxos 8.570377, 
                  though most of the ballet scores appear in four-hand 
                  versions or even for multiple pianos. Martin Jones can stand 
                  as equal to any of the alternatives I’ve come across, and this 
                  2 CD set is an immensely enjoyable one-stop collection. 
                    
                  Dominy Clements 
                Over a period of three 
                  years from December 2003, I have spent a lot of time in the 
                  company of Harry Partch – not literally, of course, as he died 
                  in 1974, but working my way though an article and some eight 
                  reviews that can all be found on MusicWeb. Then, at the MusicWeb 
                  annual lunch (January 2007), the name of John Cage caught my 
                  ear. For reasons that my subconscious was not prepared to divulge, 
                  my curiosity was tickled. Partch and Cage have on occasion been 
                  paired off, as a sort of American "Debussy and Ravel" 
                  – was there any real connection between them?  
                
This may come as a bit 
                  of an anticlimax but, other than them both being American originals 
                  with "far-out" ideas, I can’t really think of one. 
                  In fact, they are more on the lines of diametric opposites: 
                  with my tongue ever-so-slightly in my cheek, I could say that 
                  Partch was a seminal genius who got branded as a crackpot, and 
                  Cage was a crackpot who got branded as a seminal genius.  
                
John Cage (1912-92) was 
                  nothing if not controversial. With his rise to prominence, an 
                  obliging World split into two opposing camps. His supporters 
                  saw him as a prime mover in the fields of experimental and electronic 
                  music, with abiding interests in "chance music", new 
                  ways of using traditional instruments, and practical application 
                  of his Zen Buddhist beliefs.  
                
His detractors, the more 
                  radical of whom would have preferred the "nothing" 
                  option, complained that he just made a lot of silly noise, did 
                  unspeakable things to the private parts of otherwise perfectly 
                  respectable musical instruments, and came up with a load of 
                  airy-fairy claptrap to justify his bizarre buffoonery.  
                
Partch, who was renowned 
                  for his considered and candid conclusions, didn’t have too high 
                  an opinion of Cage: "When he was younger, I found him rather 
                  charming, albeit shallow. Then later, when he was famed for 
                  the opening of doors to musical insight, I found myself obliged 
                  to use the word ‘charlatan’ . . . Pretty sounds do not necessarily 
                  make significant music, and serious words frequently cloak hokum 
                  . . . I’m all for common sounds as valid materials [but] one 
                  has to have control, so that his common sounds will mean 
                  something. . . I feel that anyone who brackets me with Cage 
                  is bracketing actual music with metaphysical theories, and what 
                  I think is a serious effort with exhibitionism." [Letter 
                  to Ben Johnston, 1952, reproduced in Innova Enclosure 3] 
                   
                
Who is right – the "pro" 
                  camp or the "anti"? You tell me. The only opinions 
                  I can voice with any certainty are that Cage was not really 
                  a crackpot – even if he did give that impression to his detractors 
                  – and in all probability he caused the expenditure of as much 
                  hot air as all the other Twentieth Century composers put together. 
                   
                
For instance, during 
                  the late 1960s, when I was a university student, Cage was a 
                  hot topic for many an informal debate over a pint or six of 
                  a Saturday night in the pub. It’s true, I swear! Granted, 
                  we also debated rather coarser matters, interspersed with lots 
                  of "rugby songs", but there was no two ways about 
                  it – in those heady days, Cage was about as "right on" 
                  and as "far out, man" as you could get.  
                
It was even possible 
                  – but only just – for intense arguments over Four Minutes 
                  and Thirty-Three Seconds to distract our juvenile minds 
                  from contemplating the aesthetics of passing bits of mini-skirt! 
                  Yet, no matter how much the said work of art – if that’s how 
                  you choose to define it – resonated with the mood of the Sixties, 
                  it’s as well to remember that it was written quite a while earlier, 
                  in 1952, while the hippy generation was just learning to manage 
                  without nappies!  
                
4’33", as 
                  much as anything, fuelled the long-running furore over the definition 
                  of "music", a lot of the argument being similar to 
                  a much earlier debate amongst mathematicians, over whether "0", 
                  being "nothing", could be counted as a number. For 
                  those odd few who don’t already know, 4’33" is the 
                  work where the pianist lifts the keyboard lid, sits perfectly 
                  still for a while, then shuts the lid – the cue, I presume, 
                  for a storm of applause.  
                
Apparently, the idea 
                  for the piece resulted from a visit to an anechoic chamber. 
                  Cage, never particularly conventional in his approach to music, 
                  explained that he wanted to hear what silence "sounded" 
                  like. Really? And here am I, expecting that he was at the very 
                  least hoping to establish conclusively, "What is the sound 
                  of one hand clapping?" Mind you, that’s always struck me 
                  a daft question – shouldn’t you first ask, "Is it possible 
                  for one hand to clap?"  
                
Anyway, Cage was surprised 
                  to find that he didn’t hear "nothing". Instead he 
                  heard the real sound of his blood pumping and the virtual sounds 
                  generated by his own auditory system. Thus, having realised 
                  the impossibility of complete silence, at least in the ears 
                  of the perceiver, he fashioned 4’33" supposedly 
                  to demonstrate that fact to the rest of us. Presumably, he wasn’t 
                  aware that Smetana, to the ultimate cost of his sanity, had 
                  already answered that one.  
                
What surprises me is 
                  that he found this surprising. What doesn’t surprise 
                  me, not one bit, is that in 2002 Cage’s publishers sued composer 
                  Mike Batt – he of "Wombles of Wimbledon Common" fame 
                  – for plagiarism! Batt, you see, had included in his album Classical 
                  Graffiti a silent track. It wasn’t, as you might expect, 
                  Batt’s "One Minute Silence" that got their danders 
                  up, but the fact that he’d credited the track to "Cage/Batt". 
                  Unbelievable? Well, it was reported by the BBC, so it must be 
                  true, mustn’t it?  
                
Another surprise, to 
                  me anyway, is that 4’33" exists in at least two 
                  versions. The one most commonly played – and I use that term 
                  reservedly – is the "Tacet" version. This had three 
                  movements, which are usually played attacca, so as to 
                  save time messing about with the keyboard lid, and each is marked 
                  simply tacet but is of course otherwise blank.  
                
However, Cage insisted 
                  that he originally composed a much more complex piece in "small 
                  units of silent rhythmic durations which, when summed, equal 
                  the duration of the title". He also thought that he might 
                  have made a mistake in the summation. I harbour doubts about 
                  this, because originally the work had no specified duration 
                  – the first performance happened to take 4’33", and that 
                  stuck. I also doubt whether it matters – would all this "complexity" 
                  have had any significant effect on the work as perceived by 
                  its audience?  
                
There is also a somewhat 
                  apocryphal theory that the title refers to the "absolute 
                  zero" of temperature, -273° C, on the grounds that 4’33’’ 
                  = 273 seconds. This is, at best, a specious connection, particularly 
                  as it conveniently sweeps under the carpet both the minus sign, 
                  a small matter of 0.15 C°, and the fact that the duration 
                  of 4’33" was completely accidental.  
                
Nevertheless, it persists 
                  in attracting certain people – presumably those who, for reasons 
                  best known to themselves, not only insist on ignoring the fact 
                  but also perceive a relationship between 1 second of time and 
                  -1 degree of the Celsius temperature scale. I have a feeling 
                  that these same folk would look at you daft – and completely 
                  miss your point – if you asked them how many furlongs equal 
                  one apple pi plus 3.1418 nutty fruitcakes.  
                
Nonsensical as this "theory" 
                  is, ironically it does suggest a connection between 4’33" 
                  and another piano work of Cage’s, ASLSP (1985). The title 
                  stands for "As SLow aS Possible" – I’ll leave you 
                  to ponder on why ASLSP was preferred over the straightforward 
                  acronym ASAP, and why it camouflages an otherwise obvious grammatical 
                  error. I gather that a typical performance takes about 20 minutes 
                  and, because it’s very slow, the piano notes have plenty 
                  of time to die away completely.  
                
If you stretch your fancy 
                  a bit, you could imagine a decaying note being akin to the decline 
                  of thermal activity as absolute zero is approached. So, when 
                  the note reaches its "absolute zero", what do you 
                  hear? Simple – an "excerpt" from 4’33"! Neat, 
                  eh? Personally, I find myself torn between smug satisfaction 
                  at the plausibility of what I’ve just said, and embarrassment 
                  at how easy it was to pull philosophical wool over my own eyes, 
                  never mind yours.  
                
To get back to the tale: 
                  in 1987, Cage adapted ASLSP for the organ, to bestow upon the 
                  World his Organ²/ASLSP (As SLow aS Possible). 
                  Whilst this improved the continuity of what must have seemed 
                  a fairly disjointed piece, it substantially undermined the entire 
                  "absolute zero" argument (boo!). Life is full of surprises, 
                  for I have so far found no mention of any subsequent storms 
                  in academic teacups over whether an indefinitely-sustained, 
                  constant sound is really a sound at all, or merely a recalibration 
                  of "zero".  
                
As inevitably as day 
                  follows night, these works – or rather their tempo marking – 
                  provoked profound musicological cerebration. At rock bottom, 
                  it boiled down to this: no matter how long the performer takes, 
                  he cannot help but fail to observe the most important marking 
                  in the entire score – that of the basic tempo. With time stretching 
                  from Now to Plus Infinity, 20 minutes has got to be way too 
                  fast. I wonder, why do people always have to rush everything 
                  these days? Well, it turns out that they don’t, not always. 
                  Read on.  
                
Unbelievably, five years 
                  after Cage’s death, it got really "heavy, man". In 
                  1997 a conference of musicologists and philosophers was convened, 
                  almost exclusively to indulge in an orgy of in-depth discussion 
                  of the implications of this tempo marking, particularly in view 
                  of the fact that an organ theoretically imposes no time limits. 
                   
                
 Broadly speaking, the 
                  conference concluded that ASLSP could actually be quite a lot 
                  slower than that 20 minutes. Having cracked this singularly 
                  knotty philosophical nut, the wielders of the weighty sledgehammer 
                  moved on – to address, with commensurate delicacy, a burden 
                  of proof lying beaten and bruised amongst the shattered shards. 
                   
                
I’ll bet that Cage – 
                  by all accounts a genial, charming and fun-loving chap who regarded 
                  his life’s work as "purposeful play" – would have 
                  been laughing his socks off in his grave when the conference 
                  solemnly decided to establish a "practical" project. 
                  To prove how much more slowly the piece could be played, they 
                  planned a performance of Organ²/ASLSP that would last 
                  for, not an hour, not a day, not even a week, but 639 years. 
                  No, that is not a typographical error. Roll it around 
                  your brain: six hundred and thirty-nine years. [Health and 
                  Safety warning: if you feel your brain starting to melt, stop 
                  thinking immediately, flush the inside of your head with plenty 
                  of cold water, and seek immediate medical advice]  
                
At this juncture, I start 
                  to wish that Cage had scored the work for a phial containing 
                  a radioactive isotope, which could then have been buried in 
                  a time-capsule to mark the commencement of the performance. 
                  This would have had the added advantage that nobody would have 
                  had to listen to any of it. Sadly, he didn’t, because if he 
                  had it would have saved an awful lot of bother.  
                
The choice of playing 
                  time is easily explained, as it is intended to reflect the age 
                  of the instrument on which it is performed. Hence, subtract 
                  the year in which the first church organ seems to have been 
                  built, 1361, from the year that the "performance" 
                  was scheduled to start, 2000. From this simple bit of arithmetic 
                  the planners extrapolated a mystical arch, stretching from the 
                  time that the organ was invented, and symmetrically straddling 
                  what – you may recall – we used to call "the Millennium". 
                   
                
Obviously, planning a 
                  performance of such gargantuan span required a fair bit of time 
                  and effort. For starters, someone had to calculate a timetable, 
                  detailing the dates on which the notes are started and stopped. 
                  This isn’t as simple as it sounds because, for example, leap 
                  years and double-leap years have to be taken into account. Then, 
                  they needed somewhere to play it. The location chosen was St. 
                  Burchardi’s Church in Halberstadt, Germany. This was a nice, 
                  even sentimental touch, because St. Burchardi’s is where the 
                  very first proper church organ was installed.  
                
Here we get another connection, 
                  albeit tenuous, to Harry Partch. One of the reasons that this 
                  organ was "proper" was that its keyboard was the first 
                  with twelve keys to the octave. Partch famously called the inauguration 
                  of this organ "the fatal day of Halberstadt" because 
                  – as far as he was concerned – it marked the start of 
                  Man’s slide down the slippery slope into the Desolation of Twelve-tone 
                  Equal Temperament.  
                
The sentimental touch 
                  was also an expensive touch because, over the last 190 years, 
                  the said church had been variously used as "a barn, a hovel, 
                  a distillery and a sty". Disused and dilapidated, it first 
                  needed extensive restoration – and a new organ! However, because 
                  it would be fully booked for the first 639 years of its life, 
                  this new organ was designed and built specifically for this 
                  performance. Actually, that’s not quite correct: rather, it 
                  is being built. Taking advantage of the very broad basic 
                  tempo, the planners have gained a certain "efficiency" 
                  by phasing the building work to proceed in parallel with the 
                  performance.  
                
The performance itself 
                  is a bit of a cheat, because at any given time the notes currently 
                  sounding are held down mechanically by the "autonomous" 
                  organ. So, unless a key is scheduled for depression or release, 
                  there’s nobody actually playing the music. Alright, maybe 
                  I’m being a bit unrealistic but I’m no more picky here, about 
                  the definition of "performance", than many members 
                  of the Cage camp are about the definition of "music" 
                  or "composition".  
                
I’ll leave you to wonder 
                  about "routine" matters such as arrangements for the 
                  "heredity" of performing personnel, or securing the 
                  "performance" against mechanical or electrical failures, 
                  acts of God, war or insurrection, or any of the other myriad 
                  contingencies under which your house insurer refuses to shell 
                  out. Instead, let’s look briefly at the progress of the music. 
                   
                
Kick-off was on 5 September 
                  2001, Cage’s 90th. birthday. This was a year late, 
                  but in the long run I don’t suppose it’ll make much difference, 
                  except to astrologers and sundry other mystics. In the 17 months 
                  required to "play" the first bar’s opening rest, the 
                  organ of course emitted no sound. In other words, we started 
                  with 163,938 consecutive complete performances of 4’33", 
                  give or take the odd one or two.  
                
The first sound, which 
                  emerged on 5 February 2003, continued unchanged – apart from 
                  the addition of the octave doubling of one note on 5 July 2004 
                  – for fully two years and five months. And so it dragged on. 
                  Currently (April 2007), the chord A3-C4-F sharp4 is sounding, 
                  and will continue so to do until it completes its six-and-a-half 
                  year run on 5 July 2012. Thereafter, though, things start to 
                  get really exciting, so watch this space.  
                
Lest the anti-Cage camp 
                  be inspired to seize their quill pens and write letters of complaint 
                  to the Times, or even the Radio Times, we must get one thing 
                  absolutely clear. John Cage had no part whatsoever in this 
                  project. For one thing, the planning and management of the 
                  project, which must meticulously detail every last jot and tittle, 
                  would have run contrary to his aleatoric principles. For another, 
                  I doubt that this lovable and fun-loving man would have found 
                  much fun in the wall-to-wall deadly seriousness of it all. The 
                  discussions of his tempo marking, and the project spawned by 
                  them, all arose only after his death – so please don’t go blaming 
                  Cage for any of it.  
                
 Even so, it almost goes 
                  without saying that Cage would have hugely enjoyed all the controversy. 
                  More than anything in the history of music this – what Cage 
                  would have called a "happening" if it had been played 
                  for laughs – has polarised opinion, if not quite to the extent 
                  of "pistols at dawn", then not far short of that. 
                  It is either an awe-inspiring enterprise or a preposterous waste 
                  of time and effort. There is no middle ground, so if you’re 
                  still sitting on the fence, get off it at once.  
                
I’ve weighed many of 
                  the arguments pro and con. However, the reason that I’ve come 
                  down on the "anti" side of the fence has nothing to 
                  do with any of these. In my opinion, and to the best of my current 
                  knowledge, the entire exercise is based on a seriously flawed 
                  premise.  
                
I suspect that the deliberations 
                  of that learned conference were blinkered by the mechanics 
                  of going "as slowly as possible". Yet, Cage wrote 
                  a piece of music. It is pretty well axiomatic that the 
                  entire raison d’être of music is to be performed. 
                  Regardless of whether the performers are people or machines, 
                  the sole purpose of performance is to create an object of 
                  human perception. Indeed, Cage’s Zen beliefs might well 
                  have prompted him to ask, "Does music really exist if there’s 
                  no-one there to hear it?" Certainly, unless you’re a follower 
                  of Descartes, sound exists independently of any observer, but 
                  for music to exist there must be an observer – a listener 
                  – who implicitly understands that it is music.  
                
In the science of mechanics, 
                  the motion of an object can be arbitrarily slow. However, because 
                  music is an object of human perception, it can be said to be 
                  "moving" only if its observers can perceive its motion. 
                  Even the mandarins of the BBC in the 1950s understood this – 
                  it was the principle underlying Music and Movement, a 
                  sort of primer of ballet and mime which in those days was broadcast 
                  to schools, thereby inflicting eternal, squirming embarrassment 
                  on hapless real "small boys" such as myself.  
                
Although there can be 
                  an accidental "logic" in mechanical sounds, logic 
                  is one of the defining characteristics of music. You could even 
                  say that perception of this logic is the key to the door on 
                  all the wonderful things music does to our minds and hearts. 
                  In particular, the speed of music is not "the number of 
                  notes per unit time", but the rate of progression of the 
                  logic – a distinction that Ligeti, for one, explored to stunning 
                  effect.  
                
We’ve one more step to 
                  take. If we progressively slow down a piece of music, the events 
                  that define the music’s logic get further apart. Is there a 
                  point beyond which we can no longer sense the logical flow? 
                  This depends on memory. As long as we can remember "the 
                  story so far" – or at the very least the previous logical 
                  step – then we stand a chance of making sense of the current 
                  one. This limiting interval between logical events is, I suspect, 
                  shorter than we might imagine – taking an educated guess, I’d 
                  say it lies somewhere in the region of the listener’s attention 
                  span. Go much beyond that with nothing new coming in, and 
                  the average mind, bored out of its skull, will conclude that 
                  nothing is happening and turn its attention elsewhere.  
                
For similar reasons, 
                  there is a corresponding limitation on performers: if they go 
                  too slowly, they will lose track of the measure of the music. 
                  Hence, Cage’s title-cum-tempo-marking ought to read something 
                  like "As Slow(ly) as is Humanly Possible". 
                  We may argue over exactly how slow this might be, but I doubt 
                  that anyone could come up with a convincing argument that the 
                  tempo chosen for the ASLSP Project is anywhere near the right 
                  ball-park. I suspect that even Treebeard would fail to find 
                  it "hasty".  
                
If I were to be blunt, 
                  I’d say that a piece of music that takes going on for ten standard 
                  lifetimes to perform is about as useful to us as a chocolate 
                  fireguard. The whole thing could have been achieved with much 
                  less hassle and a sight more cheaply, but with every bit as 
                  much "meaning", if 4’33" had been stretched to 
                  fill 639 years. All it needed was a large "egg-timer" 
                  stopwatch – powered, of course, by thoroughly "green" 
                  solar panels – and situated in (say) Tibet. As far as I’m concerned, 
                  this is all just a wee bit over the top, just to get an entry 
                  in the 2641 edition of The Guinness Book of Records. 
                   
                
Still, for better or 
                  for worse, the project’s up and running, at least until such 
                  time as the last person who is interested in keeping it going 
                  gets bored with it. To quench your thirst for excitement, you 
                  can go to the web-site and eavesdrop on the "current sound". 
                  If you doubt the validity of my arguments, I can almost guarantee 
                  that 20 seconds of this will change your mind. However, if you 
                  gamely persist for a further 10 seconds or so, you may get a 
                  bit of a surprise. I did.  
                
Diligently pursuing my 
                  duty as a reviewer, I girded my loins, gritted my teeth, and 
                  soldiered on through the pain barrier. After a while I noticed 
                  some "noises off". My mind gratefully clutched at 
                  these straws, which would have seemed meagre had I not been 
                  so desperate. Could I make sense of them? Might I catch a snatch 
                  of conversation (such as, "Where’s the bloody ‘off’ switch?")? 
                  A little while later – though it seemed like an eternity – I 
                  heard a "catch" in the sound, rather like the glitches 
                  you get in streamed audio, quickly followed by what seemed to 
                  be the same "noises off".  
                
My attention now riveted, 
                  my pain put on hold, I listened on. Guess what? That’s right; 
                  after about the same interval, it happened all over again. This 
                  wasn’t "the current sound", but a sample of 
                  the current sound played in a loop. I felt a bit cheated, not 
                  of the experience of a lifetime but mostly of five minutes in 
                  which I could have been doing something much more interesting, 
                  like watching paint drying, or grass growing, or a DVD of a 
                  teenager waking up on a Monday morning. Heck, even the sound 
                  quality isn’t up to much. Take a tip from me: if you want to 
                  experience a fair reflection of the "current sound", 
                  in decent-quality audio, induce some mains hum in your amplifier 
                  and listen to that.  
                
There will, of course, 
                  be a major celebration to mark the conclusion of the project. 
                  However, as planning is still in the very early stages, as yet 
                  no details are available. Nevertheless, it is generally expected 
                  that the occasion will be marked by the release of a complete 
                  recording in a special, de-luxe commemorative edition.  
                
For practical reasons, 
                  it is unlikely that this will take the form of a 4,201,107-CD 
                  boxed set. Even shoe-horning it into a low-grade MP3 "song" 
                  would require a file size of somewhere in the region of 200 
                  terabytes. Obviously, this would make even the fanciest of today’s 
                  MP3 players gip, but there is every reason to be confident that 
                  technological advances during the project’s course will result 
                  in much more efficient and compact storage systems.  
                
In the meantime, for 
                  those cats whose curiosity is already getting the better of 
                  them there is this CD, warmly recorded in 24-bit, high-definition 
                  sound. This compresses the entire work into a time-frame of 
                  around 72 minutes, which is some 4,667,895 times faster than 
                  the projected performance. Yet, even at this comparatively breakneck 
                  speed, it still manages to prove my point.  
                
After a few minutes of 
                  my undivided attention, and in spite of my best efforts at due 
                  diligence, I found those images of wet paint, short grass and 
                  somnolescent teenager starting to beckon seductively. My mind 
                  slowly drifted into dreamy contemplation of the word "somnolescent", 
                  becoming lulled by its lazy liquidity . . . I awoke with a start, 
                  and re-joined the performance. It seemed very quiet. Shortly 
                  thereafter, I noticed the CD player, displaying an admonishing 
                  "stopped." But don’t let me put you off – if your 
                  attention span is more robust than mine, you may well find it 
                  a deeply affecting experience.  
                
Performances of the original 
                  piano version gallop by in typically just over a quarter of 
                  the time. Regardless of any help from things like sophisticated 
                  – and silent – electronic metronomes, that says much for the 
                  intense concentration and immaculate control exhibited by the 
                  organists, Bossert and Ericsson. I wish I had their stamina. 
                   
                
Paul Serotsky