This outstanding DVD automatically takes its place towards the 
                  very top rank of recordings of Beethoven’s great masterpiece. 
                  As well as top-notch musical values it also has the virtue of 
                  enshrining a very special occasion. Every year since 1951 the 
                  Dresden Staatskapelle and State Opera Chorus have performed 
                  a requiem to commemorate the destruction of the city in Allied 
                  bombing raids in February 1945. No applause is given at these 
                  solemn concerts, which end with a minute’s silence. The anniversary 
                  of the bombing, 13th and 14th February, 
                  was also the date chosen for the re-opening of the Semperoper 
                  in 1985. Hence this film of the 2010 concert marks both the 
                  65th anniversary of the bombing and the 25th 
                  anniversary of the re-opening of the Semperoper. The conductor 
                  for the occasion, Christian Thielemann, was also marking a special 
                  occasion as he had only just been announced as the orchestra’s 
                  new principal, a post he will take up in 2012. Hence a sense 
                  of the palpably special, even the unrepeatable, hangs over the 
                  whole performance, and everyone involved raises their game to 
                  an extraordinary level. 
                  
                  The lack of applause adds to the sacral element of the performance, 
                  something from which this great masterpiece can only benefit. 
                  The Missa Solemnis had been chosen for the occasion before 
                  by Blomstedt in 1977 and 1979, Colin Davis in 1993 and Fabio 
                  Luisi in 2005 when the work was picked for the official reopening 
                  of the Frauenkirche. Its scale and intensity is ideal for a 
                  solemn occasion like this one. At the beginning Thielemann and 
                  the soloists walk onto the stage to complete silence and at 
                  the end, after a long pause, they lead the minute’s silence. 
                  It is interesting, by the way, to see Mikhail Gorbachev in the 
                  royal box, having just been awarded the Dresden Peace Prize. 
                  
                  
                  The atmosphere grants a special air to the already excellent 
                  musical values. The Staatskapelle Dresden has an unparalleled 
                  heritage among European orchestras – Karajan once compared their 
                  sound to burnished gold. Their playing adds extra grandeur and 
                  beauty to Beethoven’s already extraordinary orchestration. The 
                  brass and winds, in particular, exude special authority, while 
                  the timpani are forceful without being allowed to dominate. 
                  Leader, Matthias Wollong, gives an intensely spiritual solo 
                  during the Benedictus and the explosive climaxes, such 
                  as the start of the Gloria, never become cloudy. You 
                  need only hear those majestic opening chords of the Kyrie 
                  to understand that you are in for something great. The Staatsoper 
                  chorus are also on outstanding form, razor sharp in articulation 
                  and pitching, never allowing the multiple layers of the writing 
                  to swamp or drown out individual lines. The fugue on Et vitam 
                  venturi is a model of fine choral singing. The soloists, 
                  too, are outstanding, especially the women. Krassimira Stoyanova 
                  soars with transcendent ease above the stage, blessing the whole 
                  quartet from above, while Elina Garanča is outstandingly 
                  characterful, rich and lustrous with an extraordinary grace 
                  to the bottom of her range. Michael Schade is warm and intense, 
                  while Franz-Josef Selig sings with richness and authority, though 
                  the microphone balance doesn’t flatter him, making him harder 
                  to hear when all four are singing. Their finest moment is the 
                  quartet on Et incarnatus est, where they conjure a sound 
                  of truly holy beauty. 
                  
                  The hero of the whole performance is Thielemann himself. He 
                  has been widely recognised as the leading exponent of the great 
                  German tradition of, say, Furtwängler and Karajan, and he leads 
                  the performance with unimpeachable authority. Right from the 
                  opening chords it is clear that he is shaping the music in his 
                  own style and he is entirely in touch with the grandeur and 
                  majesty of the score and of the occasion. His is undeniably 
                  a big-boned approach, quite some distance from that of Gardiner 
                  and Herreweghe, more in the mould of Levine, but to my ears 
                  that suits this music wonderfully. He controls the big moments 
                  with assurance and allows the Sanctus and Benedictus 
                  to unfold from within themselves. Perhaps the martial outbursts 
                  at the end of the Agnus Dei lack the nth 
                  degree of passion, but this is a small complaint against a performance 
                  of such stature. 
                  
                  The DTS sound quality is excellent and the camera direction 
                  is outstanding, pointing the eye to precisely where you would 
                  want it to be and making the viewer feel as though he is experiencing 
                  the work from the inside. There are also plenty of beautiful 
                  shots of the auditorium, as well as the individual players and 
                  singers, and it is fascinating to watch Thielemann at work at 
                  such close range. I have no qualms, then, in commending this 
                  DVD at the highest level. It will have a long and happy life 
                  on my shelf, sitting comfortably alongside recordings from Gardiner, 
                  Karajan and Levine, and more than holding its own in the comparison. 
                  
                  
                  Simon Thompson 
                  
                
                Over a period of three 
                  years from December 2003, I have spent a lot of time in the 
                  company of Harry Partch – not literally, of course, as he died 
                  in 1974, but working my way though an article and some eight 
                  reviews that can all be found on MusicWeb. Then, at the MusicWeb 
                  annual lunch (January 2007), the name of John Cage caught my 
                  ear. For reasons that my subconscious was not prepared to divulge, 
                  my curiosity was tickled. Partch and Cage have on occasion been 
                  paired off, as a sort of American "Debussy and Ravel" 
                  – was there any real connection between them?  
                
This may come as a bit 
                  of an anticlimax but, other than them both being American originals 
                  with "far-out" ideas, I can’t really think of one. 
                  In fact, they are more on the lines of diametric opposites: 
                  with my tongue ever-so-slightly in my cheek, I could say that 
                  Partch was a seminal genius who got branded as a crackpot, and 
                  Cage was a crackpot who got branded as a seminal genius.  
                
John Cage (1912-92) was 
                  nothing if not controversial. With his rise to prominence, an 
                  obliging World split into two opposing camps. His supporters 
                  saw him as a prime mover in the fields of experimental and electronic 
                  music, with abiding interests in "chance music", new 
                  ways of using traditional instruments, and practical application 
                  of his Zen Buddhist beliefs.  
                
His detractors, the more 
                  radical of whom would have preferred the "nothing" 
                  option, complained that he just made a lot of silly noise, did 
                  unspeakable things to the private parts of otherwise perfectly 
                  respectable musical instruments, and came up with a load of 
                  airy-fairy claptrap to justify his bizarre buffoonery.  
                
Partch, who was renowned 
                  for his considered and candid conclusions, didn’t have too high 
                  an opinion of Cage: "When he was younger, I found him rather 
                  charming, albeit shallow. Then later, when he was famed for 
                  the opening of doors to musical insight, I found myself obliged 
                  to use the word ‘charlatan’ . . . Pretty sounds do not necessarily 
                  make significant music, and serious words frequently cloak hokum 
                  . . . I’m all for common sounds as valid materials [but] one 
                  has to have control, so that his common sounds will mean 
                  something. . . I feel that anyone who brackets me with Cage 
                  is bracketing actual music with metaphysical theories, and what 
                  I think is a serious effort with exhibitionism." [Letter 
                  to Ben Johnston, 1952, reproduced in Innova Enclosure 3] 
                   
                
Who is right – the "pro" 
                  camp or the "anti"? You tell me. The only opinions 
                  I can voice with any certainty are that Cage was not really 
                  a crackpot – even if he did give that impression to his detractors 
                  – and in all probability he caused the expenditure of as much 
                  hot air as all the other Twentieth Century composers put together. 
                   
                
For instance, during 
                  the late 1960s, when I was a university student, Cage was a 
                  hot topic for many an informal debate over a pint or six of 
                  a Saturday night in the pub. It’s true, I swear! Granted, 
                  we also debated rather coarser matters, interspersed with lots 
                  of "rugby songs", but there was no two ways about 
                  it – in those heady days, Cage was about as "right on" 
                  and as "far out, man" as you could get.  
                
It was even possible 
                  – but only just – for intense arguments over Four Minutes 
                  and Thirty-Three Seconds to distract our juvenile minds 
                  from contemplating the aesthetics of passing bits of mini-skirt! 
                  Yet, no matter how much the said work of art – if that’s how 
                  you choose to define it – resonated with the mood of the Sixties, 
                  it’s as well to remember that it was written quite a while earlier, 
                  in 1952, while the hippy generation was just learning to manage 
                  without nappies!  
                
4’33", as 
                  much as anything, fuelled the long-running furore over the definition 
                  of "music", a lot of the argument being similar to 
                  a much earlier debate amongst mathematicians, over whether "0", 
                  being "nothing", could be counted as a number. For 
                  those odd few who don’t already know, 4’33" is the 
                  work where the pianist lifts the keyboard lid, sits perfectly 
                  still for a while, then shuts the lid – the cue, I presume, 
                  for a storm of applause.  
                
Apparently, the idea 
                  for the piece resulted from a visit to an anechoic chamber. 
                  Cage, never particularly conventional in his approach to music, 
                  explained that he wanted to hear what silence "sounded" 
                  like. Really? And here am I, expecting that he was at the very 
                  least hoping to establish conclusively, "What is the sound 
                  of one hand clapping?" Mind you, that’s always struck me 
                  a daft question – shouldn’t you first ask, "Is it possible 
                  for one hand to clap?"  
                
Anyway, Cage was surprised 
                  to find that he didn’t hear "nothing". Instead he 
                  heard the real sound of his blood pumping and the virtual sounds 
                  generated by his own auditory system. Thus, having realised 
                  the impossibility of complete silence, at least in the ears 
                  of the perceiver, he fashioned 4’33" supposedly 
                  to demonstrate that fact to the rest of us. Presumably, he wasn’t 
                  aware that Smetana, to the ultimate cost of his sanity, had 
                  already answered that one.  
                
What surprises me is 
                  that he found this surprising. What doesn’t surprise 
                  me, not one bit, is that in 2002 Cage’s publishers sued composer 
                  Mike Batt – he of "Wombles of Wimbledon Common" fame 
                  – for plagiarism! Batt, you see, had included in his album Classical 
                  Graffiti a silent track. It wasn’t, as you might expect, 
                  Batt’s "One Minute Silence" that got their danders 
                  up, but the fact that he’d credited the track to "Cage/Batt". 
                  Unbelievable? Well, it was reported by the BBC, so it must be 
                  true, mustn’t it?  
                
Another surprise, to 
                  me anyway, is that 4’33" exists in at least two 
                  versions. The one most commonly played – and I use that term 
                  reservedly – is the "Tacet" version. This had three 
                  movements, which are usually played attacca, so as to 
                  save time messing about with the keyboard lid, and each is marked 
                  simply tacet but is of course otherwise blank.  
                
However, Cage insisted 
                  that he originally composed a much more complex piece in "small 
                  units of silent rhythmic durations which, when summed, equal 
                  the duration of the title". He also thought that he might 
                  have made a mistake in the summation. I harbour doubts about 
                  this, because originally the work had no specified duration 
                  – the first performance happened to take 4’33", and that 
                  stuck. I also doubt whether it matters – would all this "complexity" 
                  have had any significant effect on the work as perceived by 
                  its audience?  
                
There is also a somewhat 
                  apocryphal theory that the title refers to the "absolute 
                  zero" of temperature, -273° C, on the grounds that 4’33’’ 
                  = 273 seconds. This is, at best, a specious connection, particularly 
                  as it conveniently sweeps under the carpet both the minus sign, 
                  a small matter of 0.15 C°, and the fact that the duration 
                  of 4’33" was completely accidental.  
                
Nevertheless, it persists 
                  in attracting certain people – presumably those who, for reasons 
                  best known to themselves, not only insist on ignoring the fact 
                  but also perceive a relationship between 1 second of time and 
                  -1 degree of the Celsius temperature scale. I have a feeling 
                  that these same folk would look at you daft – and completely 
                  miss your point – if you asked them how many furlongs equal 
                  one apple pi plus 3.1418 nutty fruitcakes.  
                
Nonsensical as this "theory" 
                  is, ironically it does suggest a connection between 4’33" 
                  and another piano work of Cage’s, ASLSP (1985). The title 
                  stands for "As SLow aS Possible" – I’ll leave you 
                  to ponder on why ASLSP was preferred over the straightforward 
                  acronym ASAP, and why it camouflages an otherwise obvious grammatical 
                  error. I gather that a typical performance takes about 20 minutes 
                  and, because it’s very slow, the piano notes have plenty 
                  of time to die away completely.  
                
If you stretch your fancy 
                  a bit, you could imagine a decaying note being akin to the decline 
                  of thermal activity as absolute zero is approached. So, when 
                  the note reaches its "absolute zero", what do you 
                  hear? Simple – an "excerpt" from 4’33"! Neat, 
                  eh? Personally, I find myself torn between smug satisfaction 
                  at the plausibility of what I’ve just said, and embarrassment 
                  at how easy it was to pull philosophical wool over my own eyes, 
                  never mind yours.  
                
To get back to the tale: 
                  in 1987, Cage adapted ASLSP for the organ, to bestow upon the 
                  World his Organ²/ASLSP (As SLow aS Possible). 
                  Whilst this improved the continuity of what must have seemed 
                  a fairly disjointed piece, it substantially undermined the entire 
                  "absolute zero" argument (boo!). Life is full of surprises, 
                  for I have so far found no mention of any subsequent storms 
                  in academic teacups over whether an indefinitely-sustained, 
                  constant sound is really a sound at all, or merely a recalibration 
                  of "zero".  
                
As inevitably as day 
                  follows night, these works – or rather their tempo marking – 
                  provoked profound musicological cerebration. At rock bottom, 
                  it boiled down to this: no matter how long the performer takes, 
                  he cannot help but fail to observe the most important marking 
                  in the entire score – that of the basic tempo. With time stretching 
                  from Now to Plus Infinity, 20 minutes has got to be way too 
                  fast. I wonder, why do people always have to rush everything 
                  these days? Well, it turns out that they don’t, not always. 
                  Read on.  
                
Unbelievably, five years 
                  after Cage’s death, it got really "heavy, man". In 
                  1997 a conference of musicologists and philosophers was convened, 
                  almost exclusively to indulge in an orgy of in-depth discussion 
                  of the implications of this tempo marking, particularly in view 
                  of the fact that an organ theoretically imposes no time limits. 
                   
                
 Broadly speaking, the 
                  conference concluded that ASLSP could actually be quite a lot 
                  slower than that 20 minutes. Having cracked this singularly 
                  knotty philosophical nut, the wielders of the weighty sledgehammer 
                  moved on – to address, with commensurate delicacy, a burden 
                  of proof lying beaten and bruised amongst the shattered shards. 
                   
                
I’ll bet that Cage – 
                  by all accounts a genial, charming and fun-loving chap who regarded 
                  his life’s work as "purposeful play" – would have 
                  been laughing his socks off in his grave when the conference 
                  solemnly decided to establish a "practical" project. 
                  To prove how much more slowly the piece could be played, they 
                  planned a performance of Organ²/ASLSP that would last 
                  for, not an hour, not a day, not even a week, but 639 years. 
                  No, that is not a typographical error. Roll it around 
                  your brain: six hundred and thirty-nine years. [Health and 
                  Safety warning: if you feel your brain starting to melt, stop 
                  thinking immediately, flush the inside of your head with plenty 
                  of cold water, and seek immediate medical advice]  
                
At this juncture, I start 
                  to wish that Cage had scored the work for a phial containing 
                  a radioactive isotope, which could then have been buried in 
                  a time-capsule to mark the commencement of the performance. 
                  This would have had the added advantage that nobody would have 
                  had to listen to any of it. Sadly, he didn’t, because if he 
                  had it would have saved an awful lot of bother.  
                
The choice of playing 
                  time is easily explained, as it is intended to reflect the age 
                  of the instrument on which it is performed. Hence, subtract 
                  the year in which the first church organ seems to have been 
                  built, 1361, from the year that the "performance" 
                  was scheduled to start, 2000. From this simple bit of arithmetic 
                  the planners extrapolated a mystical arch, stretching from the 
                  time that the organ was invented, and symmetrically straddling 
                  what – you may recall – we used to call "the Millennium". 
                   
                
Obviously, planning a 
                  performance of such gargantuan span required a fair bit of time 
                  and effort. For starters, someone had to calculate a timetable, 
                  detailing the dates on which the notes are started and stopped. 
                  This isn’t as simple as it sounds because, for example, leap 
                  years and double-leap years have to be taken into account. Then, 
                  they needed somewhere to play it. The location chosen was St. 
                  Burchardi’s Church in Halberstadt, Germany. This was a nice, 
                  even sentimental touch, because St. Burchardi’s is where the 
                  very first proper church organ was installed.  
                
Here we get another connection, 
                  albeit tenuous, to Harry Partch. One of the reasons that this 
                  organ was "proper" was that its keyboard was the first 
                  with twelve keys to the octave. Partch famously called the inauguration 
                  of this organ "the fatal day of Halberstadt" because 
                  – as far as he was concerned – it marked the start of 
                  Man’s slide down the slippery slope into the Desolation of Twelve-tone 
                  Equal Temperament.  
                
The sentimental touch 
                  was also an expensive touch because, over the last 190 years, 
                  the said church had been variously used as "a barn, a hovel, 
                  a distillery and a sty". Disused and dilapidated, it first 
                  needed extensive restoration – and a new organ! However, because 
                  it would be fully booked for the first 639 years of its life, 
                  this new organ was designed and built specifically for this 
                  performance. Actually, that’s not quite correct: rather, it 
                  is being built. Taking advantage of the very broad basic 
                  tempo, the planners have gained a certain "efficiency" 
                  by phasing the building work to proceed in parallel with the 
                  performance.  
                
The performance itself 
                  is a bit of a cheat, because at any given time the notes currently 
                  sounding are held down mechanically by the "autonomous" 
                  organ. So, unless a key is scheduled for depression or release, 
                  there’s nobody actually playing the music. Alright, maybe 
                  I’m being a bit unrealistic but I’m no more picky here, about 
                  the definition of "performance", than many members 
                  of the Cage camp are about the definition of "music" 
                  or "composition".  
                
I’ll leave you to wonder 
                  about "routine" matters such as arrangements for the 
                  "heredity" of performing personnel, or securing the 
                  "performance" against mechanical or electrical failures, 
                  acts of God, war or insurrection, or any of the other myriad 
                  contingencies under which your house insurer refuses to shell 
                  out. Instead, let’s look briefly at the progress of the music. 
                   
                
Kick-off was on 5 September 
                  2001, Cage’s 90th. birthday. This was a year late, 
                  but in the long run I don’t suppose it’ll make much difference, 
                  except to astrologers and sundry other mystics. In the 17 months 
                  required to "play" the first bar’s opening rest, the 
                  organ of course emitted no sound. In other words, we started 
                  with 163,938 consecutive complete performances of 4’33", 
                  give or take the odd one or two.  
                
The first sound, which 
                  emerged on 5 February 2003, continued unchanged – apart from 
                  the addition of the octave doubling of one note on 5 July 2004 
                  – for fully two years and five months. And so it dragged on. 
                  Currently (April 2007), the chord A3-C4-F sharp4 is sounding, 
                  and will continue so to do until it completes its six-and-a-half 
                  year run on 5 July 2012. Thereafter, though, things start to 
                  get really exciting, so watch this space.  
                
Lest the anti-Cage camp 
                  be inspired to seize their quill pens and write letters of complaint 
                  to the Times, or even the Radio Times, we must get one thing 
                  absolutely clear. John Cage had no part whatsoever in this 
                  project. For one thing, the planning and management of the 
                  project, which must meticulously detail every last jot and tittle, 
                  would have run contrary to his aleatoric principles. For another, 
                  I doubt that this lovable and fun-loving man would have found 
                  much fun in the wall-to-wall deadly seriousness of it all. The 
                  discussions of his tempo marking, and the project spawned by 
                  them, all arose only after his death – so please don’t go blaming 
                  Cage for any of it.  
                
 Even so, it almost goes 
                  without saying that Cage would have hugely enjoyed all the controversy. 
                  More than anything in the history of music this – what Cage 
                  would have called a "happening" if it had been played 
                  for laughs – has polarised opinion, if not quite to the extent 
                  of "pistols at dawn", then not far short of that. 
                  It is either an awe-inspiring enterprise or a preposterous waste 
                  of time and effort. There is no middle ground, so if you’re 
                  still sitting on the fence, get off it at once.  
                
I’ve weighed many of 
                  the arguments pro and con. However, the reason that I’ve come 
                  down on the "anti" side of the fence has nothing to 
                  do with any of these. In my opinion, and to the best of my current 
                  knowledge, the entire exercise is based on a seriously flawed 
                  premise.  
                
I suspect that the deliberations 
                  of that learned conference were blinkered by the mechanics 
                  of going "as slowly as possible". Yet, Cage wrote 
                  a piece of music. It is pretty well axiomatic that the 
                  entire raison d’être of music is to be performed. 
                  Regardless of whether the performers are people or machines, 
                  the sole purpose of performance is to create an object of 
                  human perception. Indeed, Cage’s Zen beliefs might well 
                  have prompted him to ask, "Does music really exist if there’s 
                  no-one there to hear it?" Certainly, unless you’re a follower 
                  of Descartes, sound exists independently of any observer, but 
                  for music to exist there must be an observer – a listener 
                  – who implicitly understands that it is music.  
                
In the science of mechanics, 
                  the motion of an object can be arbitrarily slow. However, because 
                  music is an object of human perception, it can be said to be 
                  "moving" only if its observers can perceive its motion. 
                  Even the mandarins of the BBC in the 1950s understood this – 
                  it was the principle underlying Music and Movement, a 
                  sort of primer of ballet and mime which in those days was broadcast 
                  to schools, thereby inflicting eternal, squirming embarrassment 
                  on hapless real "small boys" such as myself.  
                
Although there can be 
                  an accidental "logic" in mechanical sounds, logic 
                  is one of the defining characteristics of music. You could even 
                  say that perception of this logic is the key to the door on 
                  all the wonderful things music does to our minds and hearts. 
                  In particular, the speed of music is not "the number of 
                  notes per unit time", but the rate of progression of the 
                  logic – a distinction that Ligeti, for one, explored to stunning 
                  effect.  
                
We’ve one more step to 
                  take. If we progressively slow down a piece of music, the events 
                  that define the music’s logic get further apart. Is there a 
                  point beyond which we can no longer sense the logical flow? 
                  This depends on memory. As long as we can remember "the 
                  story so far" – or at the very least the previous logical 
                  step – then we stand a chance of making sense of the current 
                  one. This limiting interval between logical events is, I suspect, 
                  shorter than we might imagine – taking an educated guess, I’d 
                  say it lies somewhere in the region of the listener’s attention 
                  span. Go much beyond that with nothing new coming in, and 
                  the average mind, bored out of its skull, will conclude that 
                  nothing is happening and turn its attention elsewhere.  
                
For similar reasons, 
                  there is a corresponding limitation on performers: if they go 
                  too slowly, they will lose track of the measure of the music. 
                  Hence, Cage’s title-cum-tempo-marking ought to read something 
                  like "As Slow(ly) as is Humanly Possible". 
                  We may argue over exactly how slow this might be, but I doubt 
                  that anyone could come up with a convincing argument that the 
                  tempo chosen for the ASLSP Project is anywhere near the right 
                  ball-park. I suspect that even Treebeard would fail to find 
                  it "hasty".  
                
If I were to be blunt, 
                  I’d say that a piece of music that takes going on for ten standard 
                  lifetimes to perform is about as useful to us as a chocolate 
                  fireguard. The whole thing could have been achieved with much 
                  less hassle and a sight more cheaply, but with every bit as 
                  much "meaning", if 4’33" had been stretched to 
                  fill 639 years. All it needed was a large "egg-timer" 
                  stopwatch – powered, of course, by thoroughly "green" 
                  solar panels – and situated in (say) Tibet. As far as I’m concerned, 
                  this is all just a wee bit over the top, just to get an entry 
                  in the 2641 edition of The Guinness Book of Records. 
                   
                
Still, for better or 
                  for worse, the project’s up and running, at least until such 
                  time as the last person who is interested in keeping it going 
                  gets bored with it. To quench your thirst for excitement, you 
                  can go to the web-site and eavesdrop on the "current sound". 
                  If you doubt the validity of my arguments, I can almost guarantee 
                  that 20 seconds of this will change your mind. However, if you 
                  gamely persist for a further 10 seconds or so, you may get a 
                  bit of a surprise. I did.  
                
Diligently pursuing my 
                  duty as a reviewer, I girded my loins, gritted my teeth, and 
                  soldiered on through the pain barrier. After a while I noticed 
                  some "noises off". My mind gratefully clutched at 
                  these straws, which would have seemed meagre had I not been 
                  so desperate. Could I make sense of them? Might I catch a snatch 
                  of conversation (such as, "Where’s the bloody ‘off’ switch?")? 
                  A little while later – though it seemed like an eternity – I 
                  heard a "catch" in the sound, rather like the glitches 
                  you get in streamed audio, quickly followed by what seemed to 
                  be the same "noises off".  
                
My attention now riveted, 
                  my pain put on hold, I listened on. Guess what? That’s right; 
                  after about the same interval, it happened all over again. This 
                  wasn’t "the current sound", but a sample of 
                  the current sound played in a loop. I felt a bit cheated, not 
                  of the experience of a lifetime but mostly of five minutes in 
                  which I could have been doing something much more interesting, 
                  like watching paint drying, or grass growing, or a DVD of a 
                  teenager waking up on a Monday morning. Heck, even the sound 
                  quality isn’t up to much. Take a tip from me: if you want to 
                  experience a fair reflection of the "current sound", 
                  in decent-quality audio, induce some mains hum in your amplifier 
                  and listen to that.  
                
There will, of course, 
                  be a major celebration to mark the conclusion of the project. 
                  However, as planning is still in the very early stages, as yet 
                  no details are available. Nevertheless, it is generally expected 
                  that the occasion will be marked by the release of a complete 
                  recording in a special, de-luxe commemorative edition.  
                
For practical reasons, 
                  it is unlikely that this will take the form of a 4,201,107-CD 
                  boxed set. Even shoe-horning it into a low-grade MP3 "song" 
                  would require a file size of somewhere in the region of 200 
                  terabytes. Obviously, this would make even the fanciest of today’s 
                  MP3 players gip, but there is every reason to be confident that 
                  technological advances during the project’s course will result 
                  in much more efficient and compact storage systems.  
                
In the meantime, for 
                  those cats whose curiosity is already getting the better of 
                  them there is this CD, warmly recorded in 24-bit, high-definition 
                  sound. This compresses the entire work into a time-frame of 
                  around 72 minutes, which is some 4,667,895 times faster than 
                  the projected performance. Yet, even at this comparatively breakneck 
                  speed, it still manages to prove my point.  
                
After a few minutes of 
                  my undivided attention, and in spite of my best efforts at due 
                  diligence, I found those images of wet paint, short grass and 
                  somnolescent teenager starting to beckon seductively. My mind 
                  slowly drifted into dreamy contemplation of the word "somnolescent", 
                  becoming lulled by its lazy liquidity . . . I awoke with a start, 
                  and re-joined the performance. It seemed very quiet. Shortly 
                  thereafter, I noticed the CD player, displaying an admonishing 
                  "stopped." But don’t let me put you off – if your 
                  attention span is more robust than mine, you may well find it 
                  a deeply affecting experience.  
                
Performances of the original 
                  piano version gallop by in typically just over a quarter of 
                  the time. Regardless of any help from things like sophisticated 
                  – and silent – electronic metronomes, that says much for the 
                  intense concentration and immaculate control exhibited by the 
                  organists, Bossert and Ericsson. I wish I had their stamina.